“I Love You Kartik”

The month of Kartik doesn’t bring back any bad memories for me. Rather, I strongly believe that the moonbeams of this eighth lunar month reinforce my strength in myself as a woman, as a mother. I do not long for any “Sada Suhagan Raho blessings from a mother-in-law type of a woman, let alone giving her any benefit of doubt that I had been the ultimate choice for her precious son in his blissful wedlock and I don’t seek my Moksha at all by making myself starve all day long on “one“ auspicious day or by praying relentlessly for her son’s longevity or security or keeping myself desirable in both kitchen and bed all year long. Trust me, all that seems to me like a never-ending Hindi soap from Balaji Production House.

A woman my age approached me very pleasantly out of the blue yesterday at Sabzi Mandi, “Excuse me please, which temple do you go to for Karwa Chauth Pooja, do you know if there are any groups/ clubs that organize couples’ Karwa Chauth parties locally? Karwa Chauth party sounds cute, the very thought of couples going crazy together and playing on each others’ nerves on yet another night gave me a really good bout of satisfaction and a reason to laugh.
“We are new here, just landed last month as a family on Canadian PR”, she broke into my amusing trail of thought and shared her pride.
“Oh, I see! Welcome to Canada! Great choice! It’s a great country! You guys would be…” I couldn’t finish my warm welcome speech to my fellow Indian who has just entered the threshold of Canada and my personal space too by further asking me, “…so what are your marriage goals on Karwa Chauth for 2019? Fasting? Partying”?
By that time I knew that it was best for me to move on before my Panjabi blood starts to flare up, so I swiftly walked towards the big colourful and inviting mountains of fresh fruits & seasonal vegetables as if someone called me from there.
I went to Sabzi Mandi to buy some Saag greens anyways. I ended up in Karwa Chauth display isles because I am a human (and a woman on top of that), hence, naturally drawn towards beautiful displays of seasonal items and activities, besides I do love sweet & savoury seasonal treats like Mathi, Seviyan (vermicelli), Mishti Dahi, Rajbhog, Rabri, crisply seasoned dry fruits and all:)
Also, I like to buy Chunri and Shingar for all the goddesses that I could think of to bring to Mandir with a nice display of diya and fresh flowers and a coconut on my only big brass Thaali that I hold precious as a part of my trousseau during the week of Karwa Chauth. I am a diehard Sikh (to the best of my very limited abilities), however, I do have a little Mandir at home, both my daughter and I go to Hindu Sabha Mandir after Gurdwara on Friday evenings. We have recently become strict vegetarians too on Mandir Fridays and Tuesdays as a matter of fact. I am not superstitious, I am just mesmerized by the beauty, aura, peace of any Mandir just as much as I am with live Kirtan in the humble presence of Guru Granth Sahib ji, together they have the ability to bring tears in my eyes and make all my pains and sufferings wash away. I love to sit down as close as possible to Baba ji Da Prakash, do some heart to heart talk in my basic Panjabi, relish my share of Kadah Parshad, I take my time to rub my forehead with the residue ghee on my palms from Degh. Similarly, in Mandir I love it when Pandit ji recites a brief prayer for both of us upon request, do a perfect round red tilak on our foreheads and sprinkle rose water on us picking up the first rose or marry gold that touches his hands in the tiny, auspicious brass basin sitting in front of him almost at the feet of the sharply dressed grand deities. I feel blossomed! Anyways, back to the point…

The very thought that Kartik is a special month for me NOT as a married woman is very comforting, the very realization that this month is absolutely not a reminder of any wedlock or my what would had been a 25th wedding anniversary gives me a tickle of incomparable joy! The decisions one makes out of an unmitigated gut feeling sometimes turn out to be the best ones. Financial security & traditional shroud of a “happily ever after” life means no better than dust when a woman’s dignity is the cost to pay… when she realizes that her upbringing, education & sensibility are unchallenged and unexamined arbitrary self-definitions that actually tend to become self-fulfilling. At that point, she moves on fearlessly with clutching the hand of a six-year-old, strength starts to pour in from within, and every universal source possible. This is Kartik’s Mahima (His Holy Grace).

Every moment of life does not have to be a struggle or a riddle to be solved after all 🙂 The worst thing a woman can do to herself is weigh herself down with expectations from a half who is not necessarily a better half.

Just like happiness, stillness is an inside job. It does not need to be cultivated at the expense of outside forces or sources. Nor should it be allowed to be corrupted, interrupted or violated by anyone.

I love Kartik anyhow! He helps me cultivate the empty fields of my life. He encourages me to indulge in things for the sake of doing things. This is probably one of the most peaceful & sublime approaches to my learning!
Oh, the holy month of Kartik! Last night your Tulsi (Holy Basil), whispered in my ear that you’d save me from this worldly trap of birth and death! Until then I need to do the right thing, eat fit, sleep fit and think fit…Kartik waits for me patiently on the other side! We are meant to be together regardless of my lack of worldly display of devotion…just Kartik & I!