Yesterday my emotions were on a rollercoaster ride for undefinable reasons. So we decided to pack our nap-sacks and take refuge in the lap of nature and came to Brantford to spend the long weekend with our dear friends. I never have to call her or ask her if she is free to make some time for us. We just show up at their place. After a long late night walk with my friend around her countryside home I tried to make an effort to listen to Vipassana meditational mantras and some Japanese prayers translated in English in order to bring more peace and calm to my much deserving self, if not produce a huge shift by listening to Mantras overnight and attending to body movements), then EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques), then sungazing and then recognizing the power of gratitude and intention (vocalize + visualize + emotionalize = actualize) to completely super charge and revolutionize my life by morning. I was tossing and turning and tossing back again in bed unfocused. Then there was another chant about no looking back… and the whole nine yards. I never reached the stage of ‘No Look Back’ because I am but a human by default, hence, fell asleep by 2:00 a.m.
Therefore, the high level journey of my night at the mercy of meditation thus far can’t really be summarized as a sense of gratitude or sudden awakening of any kind.

During an early morning jog in the heavenly countryside again my mind was racing much faster than my body, going over the bits and valuable pieces from the mantras from last night that I listened to as I drifted in and out of my sleep, “What is very important, valuable and meaningful in one stage of life appears empty and meaningless in another. Ripe wisdom is when such detachment does not interfere with full engagement, and full engagement does not contradict perfect detachment…we call Ikigai” and so forth. Both my Vipassana Jaap and Ikigai chants got mixed up and my head span like an aimless radar all morning.

What difference does it make anyway. Vipassana or Ikigai both lead to the good, it’s not an overdose of street drugs or a concoction gone wrong over a long weekend party with a bunch of non-serious friends, I thought and decided to take a nap on my friend’s never ending patio facing nothing but an abundance of any and all imaginable shades of green. Both Jasmine Mehar and my friend’s cute little pup tried many times to wake me up but to no avail.
Oh by the way, coming back to the point that I actually wanted to touch upon through this post…
One must not have any qualms or hang ups when it comes to speaking one’s mind, no matter how emotionally tormenting and draining it may be, at least it will be out of the system and after that one breathes better.
To live a happy, focused and meaningful life we have to learn to say “No” (a lot), and also identify our “Yes”. If the heart feels strongly that something is wrong, chances are it probably is wrong. Life throws fast ones our way and we don’t always get a chance to say “No” in graceful and authentic ways when other people’s invitations, expectations, explanations and need for support is not in alignment with our own highest values and priorities. It is okay. No one needs to take care of everyone. Same applies to the theory of true love for there is such a thing or no such thing is quite debatable. The ones with the fancy wings and sign boards of true love are also always under a microscope. They are also wise and capable in their own ways. One may do one’s best but sometimes things don’t work out in anyone’s favour, which is okay too. It’s okay to have a healthy sense of unsaid direction to no longer want to spend our time, energy and resources on a relationship that’s based on deceit and foundation of lies.
A degree of clarity about what expands us, energizes us is interesting, engaging and fulfilling to us. This usually requires diverse life experiences and a capacity and time for reflection. This unending rant is too real and too temperamental an issue. As far now, true love will have to wait…Anoop needs to walk alone and strong! Looking forward to a lovely Sunday morning in Brantford with our friends!