Your untimely and quiet departure from my life on a cold January morning has left me a trooper all through my life. I don’t remember what you looked like, I don’t know how I could have ever felt as a toddler in your arms while you gently ran your finger tips in my soft curly baby hair and sang a lullaby to me…other than a faint whisper by my ear lobes that comes and goes every now and then during some clear light reflective moments while meditating. I can not vaguely decide what it could have been like sitting in front of you erratically and deviating from the customary course of remaining still while you could have painstakingly, lovingly and very patiently braided my thick wavy black log of hair. Coming home from school to the warmth of your open arms and been welcomed by your committedly delicious meals remained my most unfulfilled wish of all times.

The deep graved secrets, fancies, fears and frustrations in my once adolescent heart welled up and poured out generously many times through the corners of my eyes and rained silently yet passionately on the pastels flowers and leaves of many pillow cases that you had crafted lovingly and intricately for your household stitch by stitch by stitch…The rewarding feeling of disclosing the fact first and foremost to you that your daughter skips a heart beat or few for a guy she visions in her dreams during early University years never ever properly and honestly got reciprocated to anyone else other than you.

As time passed by I made a lot of peace and adjustments with myself to survive skilfully without you, even though how hard it was I kept trying. When one learns how to decide and reconcile with God, all decisions become as easy and as right as breathing. There was no effort or agitation on my side anymore, you had simply passed on and I was not in denial anymore there after. What I did not get I started to give in order to compensate myself. Everyone and anyone who has seen you and known you always compared me to you. How perfect a look alike I am to you, a perfect reflection of you in all regards (minus my dark skin). These loving observations and comparisons enhanced my personality. The miraculous resemblance to you in everything I do comes naturally by the grace of your genes, therefore I never have to try very hard when it comes to do any tasks in or around the house, shower affection, dance, bounce or echo my giggle in the deep blue skies…I naturally follow suit. Rearing me inside the loving haven of your graceful body has gifted me with all the charm, nerve, empowerment, and pride in femininity, intelligence that any daughter could ask for to be blessed with.

When I became a mother, your presence in my subconscious naturally took over me with great ease, like they say miracles occur naturally as expressions of love. The palm that I had never felt became my own and rests many times on my fevered child’s forehead, the soft infinity of kisses that I missed gathering from you, I shower them on Jasmine Mehar endlessly!

Thank you for instilling in me via your genes and soul (if not via numbers of years spent together) a sense of duty towards motherhood. Thank you for making me feel under control and confidant as a woman and as a mother. I always sense your unseen hand, like a guiding angel that propels me to shine on fearlessly! Thank you for always adding your voice to my prayers!  You may have flown so high as to be beyond my sight and reach but thank you for always watching over me! Thank you for being my mother, you may not have been ever physically present for me, but the essence of your powerful persona has been a great influence on me, I give you all the credit in the world for being my soul-reservoir and embodiment of my successful level of mental agility, my final peace of mind, my worldly self esteem and my overall personal well being!

Happy Mothers’ Day Mother! Let the heavens be at your feet!!!

– Anoop Kaur Babra